Our birthdays are one of the only days in the year that we get to summon all of our friends to do what we wanna do — whether that be getting drunk on a yacht or having a Socratic seminar on some obscure nerdy topic. My birthday is in the middle of summer, the peak of the travel season. I coincidentally spent my last 9 birthdays in 9 different places: Yellow Stone National Park, some random suburban place in IL, Chicago, Philadelphia, Shanghai, Beijing, New York, San Francisco, and this year in The Hague, Netherlands. I wasn’t able to gather my friends for most of these birthdays, but I do miss their presence every year. So this year, I am going to write about friends — people who have shaped who I am today in undeniable, sometimes subtle, yet long-lasting ways. I debated whether to send my writing to them after the fact but I quickly realized if I know I’d send it, I wouldn’t be able to write it honestly or write it at all. I would worry too much about what they think about how I think about them. I would worry about leaving people out intentionally or unintentionally. Therefore, I’ve decided to just share it here. If any of you happen to stumble upon it, so be it; if not, this is just for me. An appreciation letter to my friends on my 23rd birthday.
Jeremy - I think our relationship is based on a strong friendship. You’re the most loving boyfriend but also the harshest and most brutally honest friend. I hated you every time you made me face my fears and pushed me to do something out of my comfort zone, but time after time I emerged to be more confident, brave, and agentic. I am so much more capable than I ever gave myself credit for and thank you for reminding me of that repeatedly. One time I joked about whether you’re secretly my “investor” because you spend so much time making sure I’m doing my best. And you said, “No, but I am your co-founder.” This is probably the most cringy SF shit ever but in some ways, it’s really fitting. Your success is mine, and my success is yours. We’d go through the good and bad together while building one future to share.
Cindy - You set the standards for being kind and nice even when it’s hard to do so. The smallest things you do to check in on people and ensure everyone is taken care of are sometimes not acknowledged but you do it either way. Although most of the time I’d tell you to be less nice and more selfish lol, I often ask myself in the back of my mind how you’d handle a situation when I am about to be….not so nice. Thanks for being my friend for the past 4(?!) years and being there through all the miserable times. The very definition of “and the boyfriends my change / and so will our second names / but the one thing stays the same is us.”
Kristie - Those lyrics reminded me of you too! After living 4 years together (FOUR?! Wtf, I don’t think I’d ever live with another friend for 4 years tbh) we have kind of an unspoken understanding of nuanced things. It’s strange but very very nice to share so much context with someone that you don’t have to explain yourself most of the time. I feel like we’ve gone through similar stages of discovery in college — the importance of being happy, the search for ambition, etc etc. Thank you for being an echo board for my thoughts and ideas, and being such a bubbly source of energy!
Kevin, Yijia, Jack, Intel, Daniel, and the extended gang - Cheers to all the fun travel memories from Guilin to Shanghai, from Aspen to Japan, and hopefully many more to come! I am very bad at keeping in touch with y’all but this group of friends feels like a home base away from home. I appreciate being able to feel truly myself around everyone and I miss all our late-night conversations. If I am the average of my 5 friends, you’ve created a hell of a high average.
Ryan C - You have a charm that makes friends stay in your life. We never had a bad conversation, whether that was after 1 month or 1 year of not seeing each other. It’s a friendship that will never get lost in time no matter where we are or how busy we are. When we do get to hang out again, we’d just catch everything up.
Michelle S - In comparison to how much time we’ve actually spent/known each other I actually think of you quite often. For me, you represent kindness & joy but with a gentle yet powerful force beneath it all. You believe in what you think and you wouldn’t fret going for it. It’s a reminder to me that a gentle strength does exist.
文清 - I am really glad we reconnected after such a long time. Middle school me was … a strange kid … so thanks for putting up with all my twisted thoughts in that journal exchange we had. We share a sense of sentimentalism that we both have. Perhaps we need it to act — to experience an emotion that’s not our own so strongly. Please keep acting and making art because a small part of me is living that dream through you!
Carmen - Thank you for being my best friend when I was studying abroad in London. I’d be so much lonelier if I didn’t have your joyful energy in and outside of rehearsal. When we went to Brighton we imagined going to Vietnam together after we both graduated. I am sorry I didn’t keep in touch after I left. I am generally really bad at staying in touch with people and I rarely feel bad about that (oopsie). I do think about this a lot tough. I also think about your beautiful writing and what it’d take to write like that. You said I wrote like a computer science major, but it’s getting better…. Really?
Julia S - I’m really really glad we got to know each other in college. You say that almost every one of your ex-best friends found a cold way to leave your life — we might not talk as much now, but just so you know I never intend to leave! Thank you for reminding me that I am strong and can be stronger when I was gonna surrender to my emotions. At the end of every tunnel, there is always light.
The Accel Scholars community & Amit - I’ve been encouraged & helped by so many people in this group. This is strange but I almost feel like a child of the community — I feel like I better not let “people” down but there are no particular faces associated with the “people” here. But if the Accel family is indeed a parent, it’s probably the most encouraging parent one can ever have. Thank you for welcoming every brave choice with cheers.
Simon - I honestly didn’t think I was ever gonna be friends with you when I met your freshman year, but I definitely wouldn’t change how we turned out! You’re a guy friend who’ll pull through in every situation, whether I need to rant or need serious advice. I am super grateful for all of that and very glad that you’re staying around the bay (but definitely go somewhere adventurous next year before you’re locked here forever haha!)
Kristen & Fiona - I never thought I’d make friends in senior year, but I was so lucky to have you two!! Thank you for being there at my graduation and being the cutest photographer. You guys are my paradise away from tech.
陶陶 & 豆豆 - Two decades of friendship with you both!!! I feel like I don’t need to say anything more. Time justifies it all.
Yash & Etan - I learned quite a bit from you guys what it means to have a mission. It’s not something one can explain or logic through, but you can tell if someone has a mission. Thank you for changing my mind about early-stage startups completely. We don’t know just yet but I feel like one way or another I’d come back 5 years from now and tell you guys you’ve changed my early career.
Ethan - Thank you for being one of my best friends in high school! It was so important to have someone who could “get” me when I felt like a stranger to the world in both a psychological and a physical way.
Julia A - my first-ever friend in the US! You didn’t need new friends in high school, but thank you for accepting me as a friend.
Lori - Thank you for being my mental support for the 2 most emotionally miserable days I’ve had. The whole Victor story was absolutely crazy, but I am super happy that you found someone who treats you well like how you deserve it :)
郄 - You were my teacher and never a friend, but somehow I thought of you. After almost 10 years, the lesson you left me cut straight through all the blurry memories. Integrity, integrity, integrity, never let anything undermine my integrity. You were right that I am gonna remember it.
I wondered whether to leave exes and flings out of this post and decided it’d be a lie to pretend that they have not influenced my life in the past handful of years. Although my close friends all have negative things to say about them (as friends should), they are all actually good people. I don’t think any of them are following here, but if you do, don’t let me know lol! (Deep breaths..) here we go!
M - Thank you for trying to make me a chiller person. I think it’s good to realize that’s not me — now I can feel absolutely sure when I go in the opposite direction haha! We shared so many beautiful memories together and they remained great memories today. I appreciate the song you wrote for me; your music is awesome and plz keep making music!! I genuinely hope you find someone who is just as honest and kind as you are. And happy birthday to you too :)
P - You still serve as a reminder to me today that if I want something to exist out there, I should just go and make it happen. You created the type of company culture you wished to have existed in Silicon Valley in your own way. I am sure your folks are really really lucky to have you.
J - Every girl deserves a guy with the type of devotion you have for someone you care about. Whatever you are up to, I’m sure you’d do that really well!
W - Thank you for helping me realize that with the right person, big problems that one might have will become small problems or even disappear entirely. You were very right!
I am grateful for all the people who I’ve crossed paths with in my life so far. Whether I liked or disliked you, you’ve taught me something in one way or another. Today, I wish for the most beautiful intertwinement of lives.